SHAME
For Eliz & Carl

I received two separate special requests from Eliz and Carl, and they seemed related to me, so I made a song combining them both…

Eliz’s Request…

My immediate thought was “shame shame go away, BUT IT COMES AGAIN ANOTHER DAY”

And then it got me thinking about a comedy song about the work of vulnerability and shame researcher, and Oprah bae, Brene Brown.

I apologise if this is not what you were hoping for.

Yours shamefully, Eliz x

But then I also got Carl’s deranged request:

Carl’s Request (edited for strong language and extended ranting)…

Dear Simon,

I’d love it if you would make a song about Glass Toilet Doors. I just don’t get it!! And I don’t know why more people aren’t as unhinged about it as I am. Seriously, what’s the f🤬ing point?? So you know if someone’s in there? Surely it’s cheaper to just put a lock on it?

[ENRAGED RANTING DELETED]

I’m sorry but I DON’T want people to see me going to the toilet. I thought that was the whole point of the toilet. If it’s not then why don’t we all just p🤬 and sh🤬 into a bowl in the middle of the living room?

[MORE ENRAGED RANTING DELETED]

Anyway, hope all is well with the fam,
Tek care,
CP X

Well, Carl and Eliz, here’s what I came up with. I apologise if this is not what either of you were hoping for.

SHAME

Lyrics

Shame!
Shame!
Shame!

Why can’t a guy just take a poo
Without everybody judging everything I do
This frosted glass in the windowpane
Lets everybody out there see my

Shame!
Shame!
Shame!

Shame shame, go away
It’s the same old poo but a different day
If I poo in the cubicle or wee in the sea
I’m worried everybody will be looking at me and my

Shame!
Shame!
Shame!

Help me Brene Brown
I need to flush this shame right down
I said help me Brene
Help me Brene!
I wanna take a leisurely poo without any

Shame!
Shame!
Shame!

Wow Brene Brown just gave me the scoop
That everybody else in the whole world poops
They might pretend that they don’t make brun
But everybody make a mud pie with their bum bum

So nobody’s better than me
All I gotta do is sit there and squeeze
Safe with the truth that the cleanest king
Makes the same mess with his royal ring

A new dawn has broken
From this day forth I’m pooing with the door open
Let everybody see!
If you don’t poo too then you can judge me

I’m free! It’s freedom
I’m free to squeeze my excretion
I’m free like a bird flying up at the top
To let loose my poop and let the plop drop

No shame!
No shame!
No shame!
No no no

No shame!
No shame!
No shame!
No no no
No shame!

Cos we’re all disgusting

9th July 2025